"I'm a failure."
"I always say the wrong thing."
"I'm the ugly one in the group."
"Everything I do turns to rubbish."
Negative thoughts like these are common for some adolescents. The thoughts can cycle around and around - relentless, harsh and judgmental.
Beat yourself up emotionally?
Feel like your own worst critic?
You're not alone.
Here are some (life-changing) techniques that help reprogram the way you view yourself:
1. Move more.
Physical activity is often recommended alongside medication and therapy for things like anxiety and depression. It's that effective.
Find a form of movement that you love and do it regularly. Monitor how you feel, mix it up, challenge yourself, lean into it. Movement releases important chemicals in the body that can help you cope, increase your feelings of wellbeing and be a good outlet for feelings that may be hard to express verbally.
2. Practice self-compassion.
Be the most ENCOURAGING voice in your life. Start challenging your negative thoughts. Ask yourself: "Is that thought necessarily true?" and "What evidence is there to support/disprove this belief of mine?"
Thoughts. Are not facts.
Ask yourself: "How would a best friend or loving parent encourage me in this moment?"
(It's a great starting point to practice speaking to yourself with compassion). Another is:
"How would I encourage my mate who was saying these self-defeating thoughts out loud?"
I'm guessing you'd probably speak kindlier, more positively with true compassion in your voice. Maybe... just maybe... you could start speaking to YOURSELF that way.
It'll feel strange at first, but with vigilance and practice you may even find YOU to be the best cheerleader and unconditional supporter you've ever had. Just imagine what you could do then...
2. Appreciate. Everything.
When you're feeling super sad, anxious or stressed, try this technique.
Ask yourself - "what are the TOP 5 things I'm grateful for today?"
List them slowly, including WHY you feel grateful for each. It's surprisingly effective.
It may be hard to think of things, so focus on the small things such as a comfortable bed or the rain on the roof, your dog's face or a text from a friend. Look around you and identify the things that are really pretty ok. Feel those feelings.
Practice every day. If it feels good, write down a gratitude list in the evening to really reinforce what's been good about your day.
3. Avoid comparisons.
Stop looking at other people's outsides and comparing them to your insides.
Social media paints a beautiful, but deliberately perfected picture. It's easy to assume what you see, hear and read from other people is true. Remember, they've faced their own struggles - they've probably got their own share of insecurities and sensitivities just like many others.
Only you get to be YOU. And there is no greater person to be.
4. Help others.
Help someone who needs a hand or who would love to spend time with you.
Focus on what you can give and give it freely. Become the person you admire. Experiment with small acts of kindness and generosity. You'll be surprised what flows back to you.
5. Focus on your unique skills and talents.
Everyone has a special skill. Something unique that you love and/or that you're really good at. Something that not just anyone can do.
Take time to focus on that skill, talent or natural strength of yours. Remember when it's been a source of pride to you. Think about the achievements it has brought into your life and the opportunities you've had because of it.
Pretty cool hey? Put it on display in your mind, don't shove it aside. It's your very own innate gift and you've been given it for a reason...
6. Be present.
When racing thoughts and fears intrude endlessly, get your calm back by using this simple grounding technique.
Five Senses Check-in
In your head, describe to yourself:
5 things I can see right now
4 things I can hear right now
3 things I am physically touching right now
2 things I can smell right now
1 thing I can taste right now
Really tune in to each and SLOWLY describe and explore the sensation to yourself. If you veer away to other thoughts, gently steer back and immerse in each sense.
This is a powerful way to calm a racing mind and cool big emotions. It enables your brain to focus, think clearly and STILL the noise and overwhelming thoughts.
Take a few techniques from this post and use them daily. Seek therapy or do further reading. Pretty soon your own internal chatter could become a great source of strength, and your actions will reflect this new fondness for all that it is to be you.
Need assistance or would like to learn more? Ask me, I'm an Australian Counselling Association registered Counsellor with a special interest in self-compassion and self-esteem and I'd LOVE to help.
Carolyn xx
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