As a parent, it can be difficult to know where to start. Read on to learn more...
There is nothing more concerning for a parent than to see their beautiful son or daughter struggling emotionally. Recent times have brought more significant challenges, change and flux than ever before.
Counsellors and psychologists are currently experiencing an inundation of requests from anxious parents, and unfortunately waiting lists for professional help for your child can be long. I decided to write this blog post to address what parents can do in the interim.
1. Family time:
Alongside professional help and resources, you have an essential superpower already at your disposal as a parent - your time.
There is a mountain of research supporting the importance and usefulness of undivided, quality time spent with each parent and as a family. This is considered to be "money in the bank" on a teenager's emotional continuum and in most cases, is something you can action immediately.
Start by assessing the current situation:
- Are there regular family meal times with no other distractions?
- Are laughter, active listening and positive reinforcement a normal part of family discussions?
- Do you have routine opportunities to talk one-on-one with your teen on bigger issues, concerns and observations that they have?
- Do you create regular times for activity when you can talk and move, i.e. shoot hoops, go for a bike ride together, kick the ball etc? Maybe speaking eye-to-eye is not really their thing and sport and activity work better for spending time together?
Don't overthink it - quality, consistency and openness are more important than time duration or surroundings. Regular, mutually enjoyable 'together time' allows them to be heard, seen and known. It allows you to connect, bond and create a space where they can feel welcome and embraced, just as they are.
Just as they are in that moment.... Family time and one-on-one time is not about solving their problems for them, fixing them, or using what they tell you against them... instead it is the first building block towards better understanding where they are and what they need right now.
Take a curious stance and withhold judgement. Yes, that can be challenging as a parent but it is the most effective way to create a safe space for sharing and in turn, building trust and security for your child. Become a 'soft place to fall'. (They may look grown up and sound like an adult, but they still have a profound need for this connection to you, so go ahead and make it happen).
Once you know more about your teen and what's going on inside their head, you can consider the avenues below to create pathways for building strong emotional support around them.
2. Your local GP:
Your local doctor is a great resource. They can refer your teen to a psychologist for a number of funded psychology appointments under a Mental Health Care Plan (in Australia). They can also refer your child for assessment if needed, if there are social or learning difficulties. They can look at underlying health issues that may exist. They can also refer your child to local, community based services.
Private counselling is another option for teens and the database Psychology Today is an excellent directory for finding a counsellor with availability in your area or via telehealth.
3. Your school counselor or well-being department:
Your teen may underestimate the assistance their school can provide. One-on-one counselling, student mentoring, connection groups, or even a retreat or lounge where they can get a "time-out" when feeling overwhelmed.
Discuss the options with your teen and encourage them to reach out. At some schools you can also 'parent-refer' to draw attention to a particular issue. Teens should know the process is confidential and that their teachers will not be made aware of any issues discussed.
4. Helplines and webchats for teens:
There is a range of excellent free help available for teenagers here in Australia. Teens do well with text-based messaging and/or phone chat, and the organisations listed below are all free of charge and available at convenient times (some are 24 hours, seven days a week).
https://kidshelpline.com.au/ (for 5-25 year olds)
https://au.reachout.com/peerchat (for 18-25 year olds)
5. Online programs and apps:
These are useful as self-service mental health tools and are worth investigating and discussing with your teen. Again, free and super easy for the tech-savvy teen to dive into.
"Free six weekly challenges to help teens improve their mental fitness, increase their happiness, reduce stress, improve their friendships and their focus".
"The BRAVE Program is an interactive, online program for the prevention and treatment of childhood and adolescent anxiety. The programs are free, and provide ways for children and teenagers to better cope with their worries. There are also programs for parents".
"moodgym provides training in cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), and consists of five interactive modules which are completed in order. These include information, interactive exercises, workbooks to record thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and quizzes with personalised feedback".
Further reading and resources for parents:
Forums, self-help content and articles and one-on-one support.
Kids Helpline is Australia's only free, private, and confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25. Counselling is currently offered by phone 1800 55 1800, Webchat, and email, but they’re constantly expanding and new ways of contacting them will soon be available.
Parentline is a phone service for parents and carers of children from birth to 18 years old. They offer confidential and anonymous counselling and support on parenting issues.
Please note: This is not an exhaustive list, but rather a starting point for parents who are concerned about their child's mental health and need non-urgent assistance. For URGENT assistance, please always dial 000 in an emergency.
Need assistance with parenting or to unpack your own emotional responses and strategies? Feel welcome to ask me for more information.
Carolyn :-)
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