Saying farewell to negative or uncomfortable memories, thoughts or beliefs is a big ask. Moving on isn't easy when there are complex layers of emotions at play...
Deep feelings of loss, regret, disappointment and pain can leave behind seemingly indelible scars. Remembered situations can trigger painful feelings and affect your life, even years or decades after they happened.
Have you ever experienced any of the following?:
- Recurrent replays of painful, embarrassing or regrettable memories...
- Regular analysis of what went wrong, who's to blame, your own actions...
- Replaying of hurts, sadness or disappointment...
- Endlessly trying to explore every angle in an attempt to find sense in a seemingly nonsensical situation...
There are times when my clients really want to move beyond an experience, memory or situation but feel "stuck" and unable to leave it behind. Their mind continues to rehash old stories and dredge up painful feelings.
There are many ways in which therapy can assist you with these feelings, and a myriad of tools and techniques that can assist.
One technique
One self-compassionate technique that may contribute to the process of closure is a powerful letter-writing ritual. Imagine shifting the way you feel about past events, finding a slightly new perspective on a troubling memory or even hopping off the "mind merry-go-round" altogether!
Are you ready to get started?
This technique involves writing a Letter to Your Concern. In the letter, you will acknowledge the ways in which the concern has been helpful, explain how it no longer serves you and then firmly farewell it. You'll consider the things you'll do differently, starting today, as a result of being free from the thoughts, beliefs and emotions related to the concern. Here's an example of such a letter:
Once you've completed the letter, it can feel quite therapeutic to burn it, shred it, bury it or dispose of it in any other way in which can make you feel (symbolically) less stuck and more positive about it.
You could also choose to keep the letter, focusing on the goals you've stated in the "I will start by..." section, expanding on them, and working towards them as a priority, and as a way of taking back your own power.
If the thoughts or memories arise again, gently redirect yourself by acknowledging that you're human (like everyone else) and that this thought is simply that - a thought. Choose to not give it any power over you, anymore. Think instead about what's ahead and how to move towards your chosen future, uninhibited by those old feelings.
This can be a deeply cathartic and healing exercise when undertaken as part of a renewal process. Please note however, that feelings can be very complex and this exercise should in no way take the place of good therapy, such as with a qualified counsellor or psychologist.
Need assistance starting, or continuing your journey? Feel welcome to reach out!
Carolyn x
Counselling by Carolyn is a counselling practice located in Whittlesea, Victoria (and on Zoom) specialising in assisting men, women and children with building confidence, learning self-compassion, developing better relationships and improving perspectives with insight.
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